I wrote this for r/exmuslims when I was a teenager, it received a warm welcome. I deleted it to clean up my digital footprint, but I don't dislike it so I archived it here.
TL;DR
For people who left Islam, but still live in Muslim majority countries or with their parents, Islam has a clearly large negative effect on their wellbeing. It sucks. But it doesn't have to suck that much.
Until you get out and start living independently, you would have to deal with this living situation without losing your mind. You would have to fake prayer, bite your tongue till it bruises, and eat in the bathroom during Ramadan.
I didn't go crazy, I survived. I'm probably privileged in many ways you (dear reader) aren't, but if you can't follow most of my advice, follow some. If not, try to use this kind of thinking to improve your own life.
I greatly enhanced my wellbeing while living in an insane society by creating a bubble. I did that in two steps.
(1) Purging many of my dislikes by; disengaging from most of the things that anger/frustrate me (e.g. news, non-family religious folks, and most of the mind-numbing social chitchat), ignoring how stupid/intolerant people are being, and mentally disengaging when I'm forced to do something I don't want to, like going to the Mosque or reading the Quran.
(2) Filling most of my free time with joy and fun by; getting more online friends with similar interests, and engaging in many of my hobbies (e.g. classical or psychedelic music, post-modern literature, sitcoms, and pretentious French films). If you don't have enough hobbies to fill your time, get some more.
One day, you will get out and your life will become much better. Till that day, work your ass off, keep safe, and perfect your bubble.
Introduction
In What Life Experience Taught Me About Religion Bryan Caplan says
...when I was a teen-age atheist. My response, from age 15-19 or so, was to wage a one-man intellectual war on religion. I didn’t just object to religious claims that happened to come my way. I was on search-and-destroy mode, vainly trying to argue every crucifix-wearer onto the path of reason.
Life as a teen-age atheist led me to grossly exaggerate the lifetime burden religion was going to impose on me. At least in the modern U.S., once you leave home and build your own life, religion will probably leave you alone if you leave it alone. In fact, even if you want to crusade against religion, you’re going to have to make an effort to find people who don’t just run away to talk amongst themselves.
During my first year of apostasy, Like Caplan, I perfectly modeled the angry Dawkins-Hitchens anti-theist teenager, my attempts at changing minds, while sometimes successful by nudging people to take on less extreme positions, has been largely futile. I seriously considered spending my life fighting the ills of religion, but a combination of being scared about getting killed and my discovery of far bigger societal ills led me to change my mind.
It's easy to go mad when the world around you is mad, but the adage of "put your own oxygen mask on first" applies. Since most of your success will be in your 40s or 60s depending on your goal. For now, keeping sane, keeping healthy, and getting good grades or career capital are your highest priorities. This post is about keeping sane. More advice about the others here.
Keeping sane
I remained sane while living in one of the worst countries in the world, while being financially dependent on my religious parents. I was able to do this because I built a bubble, a small corner in the world where only the beautiful, sublime, and fun are allowed. I will explain how I did it. Most of these are appropriated from this blogpost.
1. The world is mad. Stop paying attention to it except in special circumstances. This includes your God-loving uncle and the 9 PM news. Your time is better spent doing something you like. More here.
2. If you can't control something, don't worry about it. Parents forcing you to pray? Fake what you can and deal with the rest, this too shall pass. Detaching, while not advisable long-term, is an excellent short-term strategy.
3. Consider most of your problems in the long term, you can't wear shorts? Then wear long pants and reduce your need for shorts. More here.
4. Conform when you have to, but if you can get away with it don't. Appearing respectful to people who matter (employers, parents, teachers) is a good idea. But others disliking you, if not costly, is inconsequential. You can live if kids in your class, your co-workers, and your extended family dislike you, but it's harder if your parents or boss do.
5. If you don't have friends, or don't like your current friends, get new friends. If you don't live near awesome people, find them online.
6. Do things you enjoy most of the time. If you can't, do things you enjoy with the time you control. If your first priority is getting out, spend most of your non-study/work time doing what brings you joy.
7. Get good grades. One of the best ways of getting out is by getting an education abroad, this becomes much easier with good grades. It also makes your career options more flexible due to more opportunities.
8. Expand your intellectual circle. There are books, podcasts, videos, blogs, and courses on everything from Art history to Zoology. Learn as much as you can.
9. Exercise and eat well, those will keep your mood up and will be beneficial long-term.
10. Finally, and I promise I'm not adding this to get an even 10, volunteer your time and money to do good. Many charities have remote volunteer-ships, and you could do a lot of good and learn a bunch by helping them. You will also sometimes feel good about it, which is nice.
Here are some relevant links to volunteering.
https://www.onlinevolunteering.org/en
https://www.thebalancesmb.com/becoming-a-virtual-volunteer-4138357
https://www.volunteermatch.org/search?v=true&k=&sk=&na=&partner=&usafc=&submitsearch=Search&advanced=1
You could also help some of your favorite charities just by emailing them and offering your services, whether it's The Humane League, the Alliance to feed the earth in disasters, or the Against Malaria foundation.
